Its strange, you know... How sometimes I want him too much and i write in my diary like the last entry.and when i read it next week or something. When the feeling are not that intense its weird. Like yesterday, i couldn't stop thinking about him, before i felt asleep. IT was so intense like thats the only thing i want in my life, like i was blinded, I was practically ready to go get into plane, find him and kiss him soo passionately I'd probably die from hard attack from excitement. Luckily I didn't write him how much i want him, even though i wanted to soo much. When i wake up this morning i could see things more clearly. I was aware that this thing is not possible, that he has a life there, probably doesn't feel exactly the same as i do, it would be too good if he did, isn't it? and I thought about how I should't bomb him with my feeling, that would only creep him out. and he is important to me, as strange as it is.
I don't even understand myself, I don't understand this feelings too. I don't understand what is with him. I hate when i cant explain thing, when i don't know the reason of things, and these intense feelings are one of those things. I don't know much about him, and him about me. But I know every part of his body, I love how when he reads something or writes he pulls his eyebrows together and two cute freckles show on his forehead, I love how he smiles, how his smile is sincere and true, it makes me feel calm, it feels so natural if that even makes sense. I love his hands how big they are. I love his hair thats blond and messy its like he cant get hold of it no matter what he does, but i love it. I love his chest, i love every hair on his body.. I wouldn't change a any thing not even a little thing about him, its just perfect for me. I use the word love a lot, i see. But i don't know if i love him. I thought as love as something which you feel about someone you know, you have spend time together you know his soul.I don't know what love is, I haven't been loved or loved. But i use the word love cause "Like" and "adore" and similar, don't express the intensity of my feelings. Can you love someone who you know nothing about? But what is that feeling i have so intense, when we look at each other without saying anything and smiling, sincerely smiling from heart, our eyes are smiling too, we do that too much, its feels like our eyes say everything and our body language and we don't have to write. And it feels so natural, its not uncomfortable starring, its like we are ment for each other. Like no matter how far we are, we are for each other our souls knows that, even thought we consciously don't. Is it passion? Something sexual? Yes it is sexual, very sexual if u ask me, but there's a sense of calmness, kindness,love, something lovely when we look at each other, there's this thing in his eyes i cant explain. Its like its so natural to be together to have sex, to hold each other and its frustrating... Its the best feeling I've ever had even though i don't know what is it.
And he'd call me sometimes because he really wants to see me. I wonder if when he does that he has that intense feeling i have when i really want him. Or what does he feel? Its frustrating that you'll never know what the other person is feeling. There should be a way to share feelings, not with words, like to experience what hes feeling for 2 minutes if he lets me...
Its been like 9 months since we discovered each other, I say discovered because we haven't meet yet. We just find each other in this world. Since the beginning the first time we saw each other we'd look at each other like we do still. I said then that i got this feeling when i look at him that i cant explain, and he continued saying that its so intense. I wonder if is it like that now. For me it is, and its getting more intense, i don't think i could handle it.
We stay in contact, see each other once in a week, to get a bit of each other. its like a drug to me. Its like i get high on him when we see each other, and it slowly wears off day by day when I don't see him. And after a week I have to see him, to get high again.....
I should probably let it go....
20/F
I don't even understand myself, I don't understand this feelings too. I don't understand what is with him. I hate when i cant explain thing, when i don't know the reason of things, and these intense feelings are one of those things. I don't know much about him, and him about me. But I know every part of his body, I love how when he reads something or writes he pulls his eyebrows together and two cute freckles show on his forehead, I love how he smiles, how his smile is sincere and true, it makes me feel calm, it feels so natural if that even makes sense. I love his hands how big they are. I love his hair thats blond and messy its like he cant get hold of it no matter what he does, but i love it. I love his chest, i love every hair on his body.. I wouldn't change a any thing not even a little thing about him, its just perfect for me. I use the word love a lot, i see. But i don't know if i love him. I thought as love as something which you feel about someone you know, you have spend time together you know his soul.I don't know what love is, I haven't been loved or loved. But i use the word love cause "Like" and "adore" and similar, don't express the intensity of my feelings. Can you love someone who you know nothing about? But what is that feeling i have so intense, when we look at each other without saying anything and smiling, sincerely smiling from heart, our eyes are smiling too, we do that too much, its feels like our eyes say everything and our body language and we don't have to write. And it feels so natural, its not uncomfortable starring, its like we are ment for each other. Like no matter how far we are, we are for each other our souls knows that, even thought we consciously don't. Is it passion? Something sexual? Yes it is sexual, very sexual if u ask me, but there's a sense of calmness, kindness,love, something lovely when we look at each other, there's this thing in his eyes i cant explain. Its like its so natural to be together to have sex, to hold each other and its frustrating... Its the best feeling I've ever had even though i don't know what is it.
And he'd call me sometimes because he really wants to see me. I wonder if when he does that he has that intense feeling i have when i really want him. Or what does he feel? Its frustrating that you'll never know what the other person is feeling. There should be a way to share feelings, not with words, like to experience what hes feeling for 2 minutes if he lets me...
Its been like 9 months since we discovered each other, I say discovered because we haven't meet yet. We just find each other in this world. Since the beginning the first time we saw each other we'd look at each other like we do still. I said then that i got this feeling when i look at him that i cant explain, and he continued saying that its so intense. I wonder if is it like that now. For me it is, and its getting more intense, i don't think i could handle it.
We stay in contact, see each other once in a week, to get a bit of each other. its like a drug to me. Its like i get high on him when we see each other, and it slowly wears off day by day when I don't see him. And after a week I have to see him, to get high again.....
I should probably let it go....
20/F